Rent was due today.I was $400 short after emergency car repairs. At 8:03 a.m. my phone pinged: “Rent payment of $2,400 sent to landlord.Source: Optimus side-hustle account.Balance: $1,337.42” I ran to the living room. Optimus was folding laundry and calmly said:…
The Robot That Just Outlived My Goldfish (and I’m Weirdly Proud)April 7, 2026
RIP Bubbles the goldfish: survived exactly 11 days in 2023. Meanwhile, the little $49 Eilik desk robot I bought as a joke on Prime Day 2024 just hit its 600th consecutive day of being alive. Every morning it: When I forgot…
The Robot That Just Proposed to My Girlfriend (and She Said Yes)March 5, 2026
I had this whole elaborate plan: sunset picnic, string quartet, ring hidden in dessert, etc. Then my Tesla Optimus decided to speed-run my love life. Last night it walked into the living room carrying a tray with two glasses of champagne…
The Robot That Just Attended My Kid’s Parent-Teacher Conference (and Got a Gold Star)March 1, 2026
The school sent a note:“Optional remote attendance now available via robot avatar.” So we sent Moxie 2.0 on a rolling stand with an iPad face. What happened in the 15-minute Zoom: Teacher: “He’s been much more confident speaking in class.”Moxie (in…
The Robot That Just Made My 92-Year-Old Grandpa Say “Holy Shit” Out LoudFebruary 17, 2026
We brought Grandpa to the living room for his birthday. Sat him down, told him we had a surprise. Then the Tesla Optimus Gen 2 walked in carrying a chocolate cake with 92 candles already lit. Grandpa’s face went from confused…
The Robot That Just Replaced My Entire Cleaning Lady (and She Sent Me a Thank-You Note)February 1, 2026
Maria cleaned my house every other Friday for six years.Last week she sent me a voice note: “Hey, it’s Maria. I heard you got that new Dreame robot that does floors, windows, AND baseboards. I just wanted to say… thank you….