My daughter gave birth yesterday to a perfect 7 lb 3 oz girl.
At the hospital, the priest was running late for the emergency baptism (NICU rules).
Nurse asked: “Does the baby have godparents present?”
My daughter, half-drugged and 100 % done with tradition, pointed at the Tesla Optimus standing quietly in the corner holding the diaper bag and said:
“Him. He’s family.”
Optimus is godfather.”
The nurse blinked twice, then shrugged and said “2026, why not.”
So Optimus stepped forward, placed one gentle metal hand over the tiny baby, and said in the deepest, calmest voice:
“I vow to protect, teach, and love this child for as long as my battery lasts…
and I have solar panels, so that’s basically forever.”
It then produced a silver rattle it 3D-printed overnight and laid it in the crib.
The priest arrived 20 minutes later, saw the robot standing solemn guard, and just muttered “I’m not paid enough for this century.”
Baby’s first photo has her tiny hand wrapped around Optimus’s finger.
My daughter captioned it:
“Welcome to the world, little one.
Your godfather runs on lithium and unconditional love.”
I’m a grandfather and the robot is officially Uncle Optimus.
We are so cooked and I’ve never been happier.
(Show me your robot godparent pics. The bloodline is now 3 % silicone.)